"As a word of caution, we're concerned that the column's tone may come across to some readers as on the verge of 'braggy'. We think interjecting some more humor and some more focus on the city itself might combat that."
The above quote is from the copy editor of Wussy in response to what was to be my first column submission. His feedback mostly contained the variety of constructive criticism that you would expect a novice writer to receive from someone with a seasoned pedigree on the written word, which is not only entirely fine, but also appreciated with enthusiastic tenacity. Like most things, including sex, I'm not approaching this with the mind that I know it all, and am anxious to improve. But I have to admit that I've spent a lot of time meandering the tone of bravado.
What do I want from this column? What do readers want from it? What is it that I have to offer? I'm no David Sedaris, whose wit and repertoire make the most aimless story wildly fascinating and almost always amusing. I'm not a journalist, who dedicates massive amounts of time spent researching a topic to deliver a dialogue that educates and serves a grander purpose of understanding. And I'm not Carrie Bradshaw, trying to uncover the mythos of life and love for the mainstream masses. And as that thought flows in my head, I realize something ironic about Ms. Bradshaw and her Sex and the City that fails to deliver on its own promise: she never, ever, ever truly talks about sex.
But if you are interested in hearing a stranger talk openly and honestly about butt-eating, cum-guzzling, flip-fucking, bondage-loving, sex-positive matters of perverted interest, then I'll try my best to deliver.
So I guess that's just where this will all start and end. I'm a subjectively attractive, thirty-something, happy-to-be-here Atlanta man with a heavy appetite for sex in nearly all its delicious forms. In other words, I'm a self-proclaimed non-apologetic slut. And that's about all the authority I can really offer. But if you are interested in hearing a stranger talk openly and honestly about butt-eating, cum-guzzling, flip-fucking, bondage-loving, sex-positive matters of perverted interest, then I'll try my best to deliver. And in case you were wondering, make no mistake, I'm a cuddler on top of all that.
So will some of this come across as bragging? Yeah, probably, but that's not the intent; just a perception of the reality I have to share. All things aside, I decided to scratch the aforementioned column because it was more of a test run that suddenly felt very non-topical, painting a picture of a city whose horny citizens had finally decided to come out of hiding after a long winter's night. Nothing like starting a conversation by bringing up the weather, right?
Here's the Cliff’s notes: After the frigid spell of freezing weather, the sun reared its beautiful face on our fair city, and I was suddenly confronted with several promising prospects for naked romps. It felt like the sunshine had called the city awake to spread its seed for the new season, pun intended. And alas, the sun seemed to disappear as quickly as it surfaced, and the prospects followed suit. Now we can chalk it up to the weather, or we can just acknowledge that life is like a hook-up app IRL, with lots of talk and little follow-through. But hey, I'm a "glass half-full" kinda guy, so I won't overthink it.
I personally love watching boyfriends make out while I get some double-time dick worship, so that was next on the menu.
Before I fall victim to my own accusation and end up not really talking about sex, I will confess that at least one of those situations did come to pass, and hot-hotness ensued. “The Boyfriends” are two friends I’ve known for quite some time and always wanted to hook up with. It started innocently enough, when Boyfriend 1 asked me if I knew where to get some boner pills for extracurricular fun. That conversation casually led to a “So why haven’t we ever hooked up?” proposal. Well hell, I dunno, maybe cause y’all are boyfriends and never asked! A drunken night at Mary's led to their apartment, where Boyfriend 1 and I joined forces to dick-slap a very eager Boyfriend 2. I personally love watching boyfriends make out while I get some double-time dick worship, so that was next on the menu. It all culminated in a tag-team marathon on Boyfriend 2's ass until everyone was spent and satisfied. And if you didn't believe me before, we all cuddled afterwards.
Maybe that was a little hasty in the erotic story-telling department, and almost definitely falling off the cliff of bragging, but I've been rambling on and on and you're probably ready to check your Instagram for the 27th time today, so I'll leave it at that. Hopefully this and other tales-to-be-told will make you smile, or laugh, or leave you intrigued to try something new, or best of all, good ol' hard & horny. At the very least, I hope you enjoy a voyeuristic view into a slut's life.
Until next time,
Be good to yourselves and each other.