Iconic fuckboy and queer nemesis, Martin Shkreli, isn’t just a douchebag on Twitter—his braggadocio and irreverence is applicable to all arenas including congressional hearings. Of course, one could hardly argue that all congressional hearings exist outside the bounds of dubious justice but sometimes even DC gets it right. Shkreli was summoned to the inner sanctum of Washington to answer for his bro-some business practices, specifically that time he inflated the price of Daraprim—a drug used to treat toxoplasmosis in AIDS patients—from $13 a pill to $750 a pill—because get money and fuck AIDS patients, right?
His lawyers instructed him to plead the Fifth and since Shkreli is such a ravenous consumer of black culture, he decided to do his best Dave Chapelle impression by not answering a single question.
NPR lists the transcribed exchange following Shkreli’s refusal to give an opening statement:
Rep. Jason Chaffetz, chairman of the committee: "What do you say to that single pregnant woman who might have AIDS, no income, she needs Daraprim in order to survive. What do you say to her when she has to make that choice? What do you say to her?"
Shkreli: "On the advice of counsel, I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question."
Chaffetz: "Do you think you've done anything wrong?"
Shkreli: "On the advice of counsel," (pausing for a moment) "I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question."
He refused to answer every question—even those directed at his recent $2 million Wu-Tang Clan album purchase. Shkreli may be a vile human being, but he at least has the distinction of being the human incarnation of every dreadlock that has ever been attached to a white person’s scalp.
Understandably, the House Oversight Committee grew frustrated, with Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC)—the same guy who couldn’t stop sweating while searching for a metaphorical sasquatch in Hillary Clinton’s email servers—outright voicing his frustration with Pharma Bro’s attitude by way of what is surely a line from a Tennesee Williams play, “Well, Mr. Chairman, I am vexed.”
Bask in this; it’s incredibly rare to see two parts of an adversary experiencing an epic struggle to see who can be the shittiest. That being said, Shkreli is a prick and it would be nice if instead of earning Twitter followers, he earned time behind bars. Alas, we don't live in a perfect world.
If this story has left you with a bleak disposition, please see what is sure to be considered a jewel of American pop-culture, taken from essential early 2000’s comedy program Chappelle’s Show.
Zaida J. is currently a Features Editor here at WUSSY and a self-described transgender loud mouth.