I’m mad as hell, everyone!

I’m tired of the world policing gender! Telling us what’s masculine and feminine. Telling me that opening my neighbor’s mail isn’t considered roleplaying but it’s actually a felony.

It’s time we stopped seeing the world based on its genitals and start expanding our horizons. I’m here to set the record straight and tear down the gender walls that oppress us.

 · There is no such thing as a “man purse.” Except at Ross. You can buy one get one free, or steal both for the price of none.

· Jared Leto is the only man that uses “guyliner.” Everybody else in the world uses eyeliner because they’re not douchebags.

· Manbuns? Go fuck yourself. Next.

· When you go to a bachelorette party, those are not penis hats they are wearing. No! Those are gender non-specific genitalia hats that just so happen to squirt whip cream when you tug on your right ear lobe.

· When you look at Georgia O’Keeffe paintings, those are not paintings of vaginas. Those are paintings of flowers, you asshole!

· The Washington monument is not a giant stone penis, but cultural appropriation of an ancient society that liked to fuck cats.

· Despite what the commercials may tell you, a fax machine is not a vagina for all the office to use.

· My nipples do not look like burnt pepperonis! This has nothing to do with gender, I just think it’s important we set the record straight. Hooks, maybe, but not burnt pepperonis!

Stevie King is a freelance writer and comedian with a mild obsession for burning down ice cream trucks. They've often been mistaken for Jack Antonoff, Jason Schwartzman, and your mom.

Check out their recent article Discovering Gender Non-Conformity through the Pink Power Ranger