Ah, Valentine’s Day is upon us again.
Who else is ready for their yearly reminder that you are completely unlovable and will probably die alone in someplace tragic like a cold hospital room or Alabama or something like that?
Or if you’re not like the rest of us Bitter Bettys and actually have a partner (maybe even a few!) to celebrate with, aren’t you just ecstatic to buy in to the capitalistic pressures of a heteronormative holiday that was created to increase the sales of rotting foliage and Hershey’s Kisses?
Whatever your feelings are toward this sacred and *totally real* holiday, here are a few tips to get through the copious amounts of pink, red and white that’ll inevitably be shoved so far down your esophagus that you won’t be able to deepthroat anyone--or anything--for the next six weeks.
Don’t Make a Big Deal Out of It
Look, y’all. It’s just another day of the year. If you feel the need to find a date or spoil your partner with candy and gifts, that is completely your prerogative. But for those of you who are indeed more alone than a Black girl at a Blake Shelton concert (speaking from experience), don’t sweat it! You don’t need a companion to feel good about yourself; they’re too many calories any way. And you know damn well you can’t afford to be spending money on expensive presents and delicacies for someone else, when you have other responsibilities to pay for. Spoil that light bill first, henny.
Though we all know Valentine’s Day is a complete sham that pressures us into spending money on items that’ll definitely end up in the garbage--or in the toilet--by next Tuesday, some of us still feel inclined to do something a little special. So, in the words of our patron saints Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford, “treat yo’self!”
But I don’t mean “selfcare uwu,” marinate-in-an-essential-oils-bubble-bath ‘treat yo’self,’ I mean get up and make an effort to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally this holiday season. I know a lot of y’all made New Year’s resolutions to go to the gym, but haven’t put on so much as a tennis shoe since January 2nd. Try going on a couples’ run! And that pile of laundry you slide to the opposite side of the bed every night? It ain’t gonna fold itself. Treat yourself in the right way, whatever that means to you.
A clean space makes for a clear head and an overall better mood. So before you head to Kroger and ‘treat yo’self’ to those sixty-four ounces of Neapolitan ice cream, do something that’ll make you feel good in the long run.
Any Day is a Good Day For a Little Self Care
This is your opportunity to be as lavishly extra as your little queer heart desires. Despite my aforementioned tips, I will be pampering, primping, and pleasing myself with a few love-themed goodies. I mean, I have an excuse. “Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day!”
Why not embrace the loneliness? You don’t need someone to make you feel wanted and sexy. I can’t be the only person that dresses up in lingerie just to make dinner!
And cheesy love stories are definitely my guilty pleasure, no matter the time of year, but Love & Basketball might be getting a few extra watches this Thursday.
The point is, take this time to work on self-love. You should be able to appreciate yourself with or without a companion. You might not be ready for a relationship if you don’t have the confidence and stability to realize your own worth, bottom line, cut and dry.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else,” am I right?
Get With Other People
Whether you’re single or partnered, nobody wants to be completely alone on V-Day. Or maybe you do, kudos to you.
It’s times like these, though, when I am happy to come from a group of single Pringles like myself. Consider throwing a party or a small get together to lighten your mood. It could even be an “anti-Valentine’s Day” party if you’re that cynical. Comfy pajamas, cookie decorating and a scary movie sounds like the perfect formula for a friend-fueled celebration. Who knows, maybe one of your friends will invite another single and the two of you will hit it off! Let the universe work its magic.
Whatever the case, don’t hesitate to call on the people you know for a good time. I heard there’s a sickening drag show happening at Church on Edgewood in Atlanta, no cover, show starts at 10:30, featuring *yours truly* Valentine’s Day night, but that’s neither here nor there. We all know the woes of being alone on Valentine’s Day, so try to do something that’ll make you happy.
And if all else fails, you can just settle for getting your back blown out by your favorite no-strings-attached friend with benefits. Happy hunting!
Ivana Fischer is a film and media enthusiast who specializes in cultural studies. You can find her across all socials @iv.fischer