LOUDSPEAKER: Poetry by Shore Grae

Writing

May 11

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WUSSY is proud to present poetry by Shore Grae.
If you would like to send in a writing submission, please contact Nicholas Goodly.

Abomination

He called me an abomination
and at first I laughed
at the time he wasted reaching out to me the energy
he wanted to hurt me
to cover the shame he felt
in thinking I was attractive before he read my profile
found out I’m trans
how funny I thought when I blocked him
I’ll save this to laugh with my friends later
over drinks over dinner
but the picture didn’t come up in casual conversation
it stayed hidden in the album of memories on my phone
only weighing on my mind revisiting the word
picking at it like an acne scar

abomination

I’m not the monster he makes me out to be
but the more I let the word sit on my tongue
the worst it tastes
I should just swallow it
like a shot
process and move on
but it sits in my cheeks until I choke it back up
I’m not a monster
I deserve to be myself
free, safe, and happy
I’m not a bad person
I think
when was the last time someone looked me in the eyes
to say they loved me
when was the last time I believed them
am I an abomination
no
when they leave it’s their choice
not because I pushed them away
I can be loved
despite him saying I’ll never be loved
unless I change, grow
even though they say I’m a danger to myself
to other women in bathrooms
I’m not a monster
I’m human

it’s easy to let the words hurt like sticks, stones, or pitchforks
someday I won’t have to lick my wounds alone
but with the tender words of a lover
who chose to stay
who looks me in the eyes
contradicts what the men before him said
they’re wrong they took you for granted
took advantage
you are not a monster
then finally I’ll be able to agree
move on from the words in the past
focus on the future
but until then I’ll keep the pictures on my phone
to look at in bed another night
with another guy

The Morning After

I woke up this morning earlier than I expected
sorer than I expected
though considering how long we spent curled up together
how long I spent with my legs in the air
as I was curled under you, while you were inside me,
I should’ve expected to feel this sore
this empty after you had left me so full

this morning I could still taste you on my lips
I could still smell the sweat in my hair
the smell a mixture of mine and yours
rose and musk

you texted me good morning
I replied to tell you I wished you had said that to me in person
I wished I had stayed over last night
for a couple more hours of you last night
a couple more hours of you this morning

the morning after spent with you
you could’ve massaged the soreness from my muscles
could have made me feel less empty
you said you could still smell me on you
you could still smell me on your skin
still lingering after your shower

this morning you said you could still smell sex on your blankets
on the sheets you put down on the couch
the smell of us still lingered
and you grew excited at the smell
the memory of what we did

I wish we weren’t just imagining what we did last night
but it could repeat on and on each night like a habit
each night like an obsession fueled by our needs our passion
I want for more mornings after you
for nights spent with you
I want for more time with you

—

Shore Grae is a poet who resides in Cincinnati, Ohio. Her work has been previously published in Tributaries- A Creative Journal. You can find her on Instagram @shoregrae.

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