WUSSY’s Favorite Things: Queer Holiday Wishlist

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Dec 13

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Tis the season to be extra, tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la trollops! And WUSSY has got all your last-minute holiday gifts covered for all your favorite naughty little elves.

We’ve compiled a list chockful of queer gift ideas for nearly all to enjoy, no matter what their sexual identity or belief system. We even have Atlanta-based local artists to buy from, because you know us - we’re nothing if we’re not all about giving back to the A, pray hands.

How are you spending your holidays? Let us know your favorite queer gifts, and where you’re spending your queer money to push your gay agenda.

Click each item for purchasing info!

Baby Jesus Butt Plug

You get a butt plug! And you get a butt plug! Everyone gets butt pluuuuugggggssss! Made in the form of the sweet Lord Baby Jesus, of course. And before anyone comments on social to complain about this being sacrilegious or inappropriate or whatever, you should know that 1.) I am Jewish, and would never put a fellow Member of the Tribe on blast like that unless I did not 100% know he was down for it, which I do know, as us Jews all keep tiny golden phones on our desks, on which we can call any Jew anywhere at any time, living or dead, to make sure that they’re cool with us goofing on them, and 2.) you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say was that you could heed the website’s advice and stick the Baby Jesus on your car’s dashboard. I’m not one to tell anyone how to live their lives, but if the thought of a Baby Jesus butt plug bothers you that much, then turn water into wine and make him a hood ornament and conversation starter.

ABetterBuzz Brand Goods

Our gay friend Buzz makes these gay goods! From baseball caps that read “Sasquatch Daddy” to hoodies with bears proudly roaring on them, Buzz makes the coziest gear to keep you warm all winter long, and also into those weird Spring months during which you’re either constantly sweating or constantly freezing. Oh, and you can totally repent for buying the Baby Jesus butt plug by buying some of ABetterBuzz’s stuff (try saying that 10 times fast), because $1 of every proceed of ABetterBuzz Brand Goods goes towards Lost ‘N Found Youth, which is a nonprofit organization dedicated to finding permanent housing for Atlanta’s LGBTQ youth.

Waterproof Illuminated Gaming Keyboard

This pretty, rainbow-hued gaming keyboard from Amazon is not just for gamers (what a deceptive name, 1STPLAYER, you sly dogs, you!) - it’s also “perfect for typists, programmers and writers” as well. Thank goodness for that, because the last game I played was Donkey Kong on NES, but I am a queer writer who loves pretty colors, hint hint WUSSY readers! The keyboard comes in different color options, has LED effects and a “breathing light effect” option on it, and is water-and-dust-proof (but the Amazon copyist made note not to put the keyboard under water, duh-doi). Honestly, I just want to whip this out at my favorite coffeeshop along with my desktop computer, and be that person, but combine it with being that gay person, and have a working-in-a-coffeeshop queer-ass dance party. I feel like it would get me free lattes, yes?

Charis Books & More

Charis Books & More sounds like something out of a Portlandia sketch, but it is actually your new favorite Atlanta-based independent feminist bookstore, located conveniently in Little Five Points! Adorable on the outside and inside, Charis Books specializes in “diverse and unique children’s books, Feminist and cultural studies books, and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer fiction and non-fiction,” according to their website - so you’re sure to find your new favorite book for any member of your family! I can’t wait to have a Ladies Who Read Woke Literature Day with my kid and take her there to pick out a new book. If you go, tell ‘em WUSSY sent ya.

Politically Charged Phone Cases

We love anything by LookHuman, and this Black Lives Matter, Love is Love, etc. phone case is no exception. It’s sure to be a conversation starter no matter where you work and/or play - and as well it should be! Your SJW-ing shouldn’t only be for social media; get out there in the world and preach the good word of truth and acceptance, brothers and sisters.

Oh, and we also adore this sweatshirt and tote bag. You know what, just get us anything you think would look cute on us, which is obviously everything.

Buttocks Lift Mask

Made by Unicorn, this product is known for putting the line on the map of gay men’s skincare. It was released in 2015, and is known for its superpower skin-firming, smoothing, and toning abilities. One of its best features is that it can be worn while lying down or standing up - how convenient! You could even get your butt mask on at work, or the gym, or the chiropractor, or make your boyfriend treat you to a spa day and get him to cater to you…

If you try it, take before and after pics, and send them to our assbox. That’s an inbox for ass pics.

Pansy Ass Ceramics

Holy hell, I need all of Pansy Ass Ceramics items and products in my house, in my car, in my life right now this very instance. Many of the products are handmade in their Toronto studio, and some of the ones you can mail to me for Hanukkah are: the Shady Boys with 22KT Gold Porcelain Girls with Fan, the Shady Girls with 22KT Gold Porcelain Girls with Fan, and/or this original ceramic Kunt plate.

The group’s official statement is that they “explore gay male identity and culture through the medium of porcelain and the act of ornamentation.” Damn, they fancy and cultured. Ya’ll get you some.

Gal-dem print issue

Our very own Editor-in-Chief Jon Dean stated that he had a chance to flip through the print issue of gal-dem, and that it was “really good stuff!” And if Daddy Jon says it, it must be true. The gal-dem website is dedicated to all things diverse. The team is comprised of all-women and non-binary individuals of color, who started the magazine in September 2015. So, if you want to buy a copy of the print issue, you’re supporting a minority-owned, badass, well-written publication by a group of artists committed to fighting the good fight. Don’t you want to feel good about your holiday gift-buying decisions? Of course you do! Show these folx some love!

WUSSY merch

Would Oprah name-drop herself? We’re pretty sure she would, if she hasn’t. So, if it’s good enough for the Queen of Talk, it’s good enough for us. WUSSY has new sweatshirts and t-shirts for your wearing pleasure. They look amazing on anyone and everyone, and come in a variety of sexy colors.

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Anna Jones is a writer and producer currently based in Atlanta. She is the proud owner of digital copywriting agency Girl.Copy and independent film production company Tiny Park Productions. She loves a lot of stuff, but mainly: her husband, kid, and cat, writing and filmmaking, coffee and Diet Coke, millennial pink, sushi, gay stuff, and horror films.

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